My friend (who is from Wyoming) recently sent me the following by comedian Jeff Foxworthy, and apparently because I understand it and am now sharing it with y’all, that makes me at the very least an honourary Wyomingite. Of course I had to tweak it a bit and put my Canadian stamp on it…
If ‘vacation’ to you means going shopping for the weekend in Casper or Cheyenne (while the kids swim at the Comfort Inn) … You might live in Wyoming.
You might live in Wyoming (or 95% of Canada. Damn Vancouverites…)
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 8 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,
You might live in Wyoming. (from what I see most people swing by McD’s instead)
If you’re proud that your state makes the national news primarily because it houses the coldest spot in the nation, You might live in Wyoming. (Edmonton won for all of North America this winter once – including the arctic. Can’t wait to move there, eh Doug?)
If you have ever refused to buy something because it’s ‘too spendy’,
You might live in Wyoming. (damn right!)
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don’t work there,
You might live in Wyoming. (that’s only because the people working there won’t help you unless you’re clutching your chest… seriously, people, ‘customer service’ has not been adopted here yet)
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You might live in Wyoming. (layering is a must. Although I find some people just wear pyjama pants all the time… we need to get TLC’s Clinton and Stacey out here pronto!)
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches,
You might live in Wyoming. (but all you can get is beer, whiskey, and something called a ‘Trucker’s Special’ – not a cosmo in sight my Sex and the City friends!)
If you know how to correctly pronounce Dubois, Kemmerer, Thermopolis, Meeteetse, and Fontenelle,
If you measure distance in hours,
You might live in Wyoming. (or Canada!)
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once ,
You might live in Wyoming. (that’s only because it’s illegal to shoot them from the road!)
If you often switch from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’in the same day and back again,
You might live in Wyoming. (hasn’t happened to me yet, but everyone I talk to has a story about the summer of ’73 or ’84 or ’95… I think it’s just to scare us away folks off!)
If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching,
You might live in Wyoming. (don’t worry, mum, I stay home in bad weather!)
If you see people wearing hunting clothes at social events,
You might live in Wyoming . (so true! Clinton, Stacey: please, I beg you!)
If you’ve installed security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked,
You might live in Wyoming. (that’s because the lights give you a good shot at the intruder!)
If the largest traffic jam in your town centers around a high school basketball game,
You might live in Wyoming. (or football… or soccer… or the elementary school Christmas concert)
If there are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Wal-Mart at any given time,
You might live in Wyoming. (only 7? must be a quiet day! Everyone around here seems to think they’ll need to make a quick getaway…)
If there are more people at work on Christmas Eve Day than on Opening of Deer Season,
You might live in Wyoming.
If you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,
You might live in Wyoming (or Canada – I still remember dressing up as a lumberjack one year in Ottawa because it was the warmest thing I could think of!).
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow,
You might live in Wyoming.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction,
You might live in Wyoming (or most of Canada).
If you can identify a southern or eastern accent,
You might live in Wyoming.
If your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your cottonwood,
You might be from Wyoming. (like the one on West Teton with the ears missing)
If a brat is something you eat,
You might live in Wyoming (or in Kitchener, Ontario – formerly called Berlin).
If you find 0 degrees (fahrenheit) ‘a little warmer,’
